Happy Father's (Baba's) day

The first time I was called Baba was on May 8th 2007 in Nanjing.  Today I must have heard "Happy Father's Day" a hundred times and almost all of them were from Abigail.  I can remember her nanny asking "Baba?" and me saying yes.  She has called me Baba ever since.  My two older boys call me that on occasion too.  Abigail loves special days and pretending to have surprise parties.  Oh how long ago do the night terrors seem to be, or the out of control hysterics with us feeling helpless.  Those times seem so long ago and all we could manage was prayer.  Watching Abigail go through the adjustment period for over two years was hard to deal with when you know what she had been through to get to our home.  I read everything I could find to understand her and her story.  So it should be no surprise I was a little apprehensive to "do it all over again".

When Wendy said she wanted a sister for Abigail I did not get too excited, I got scared.  I didn't know if I had the stomach to watch a child go through the transition, even though I knew what a beautiful outcome it would be.  All I could think about was those nights with Abby and the days when she would lay on the floor and scream for what seemed like an eternity.  Her bouts were long and like many with her story, she would not let you hold her or comfort her.  It was all on her and all we could do was let her know "we are here and going nowhere". 

When the reality of a second daughter was on us, all I could do was focus on what it took to get our little flower to open and stay open.  I really was not on board with a second adoption.  I talked to a few friends about how I was feeling, asked for prayer, and I prayed like crazy.  One quiet night when everyone else was in bed, I sat on the back porch and asked God for guidance.  Staring up at the stars all I got back was "let the children come to me".  How could I tell my Savior I was not on board.  He put such stock on the little ones, and now he was asking me to do what he would do.  A friend said, "you can't save them all".  My wise 15 year old son said, "sounds to me like you are focusing only on the negative".  And Jesus said, "let the children come to me".  I made peace with the fact that we can't save them all and that I was focusing on the negative.  I also know I pray to be the hands and feet of Christ so I said, "let Zijing come to me". 

I look at Zijing's picture on my desk five days a week and I am already in love with that little girl.  She deserves a Baba and I can't wait to be her Baba.  I posted a picture from Nanjing because that is the place where I became Baba and forever will be.  I love my kids like crazy cakes.  One going to college, one in HS, one going to Kindergarten and one on the way.  What a great Baba's Day.  Thank you Zachary and of course Jesus for showing me the light.